Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
