For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize