Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
