Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize