Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
