So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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