i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
