No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
