i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
