Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
