she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
