Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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