I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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