i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
