Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
