I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
