have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
