yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
