I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
