I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
