oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Is Oprah even human
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
