I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
