I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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