She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
