return my video game
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
