I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
