Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
