i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
