Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
