Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
