I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
