Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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