I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize