Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
