you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
