I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
