you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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