If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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