There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
