Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
