i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize