Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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