I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
