My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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