i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
