drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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