It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
