I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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