So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
