I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
