You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
