He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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