Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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