the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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