trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
