Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
