No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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