Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
don't judge my taste in strippers
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
