MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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