i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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