I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
