saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
